Part 2: Bananas

Bananas… Two of the guys in my office did not get lost. Yet, they found themselves in the middle of the countryside. They brought back some the locals fruit, including a gigantic branch of bananas. Secretly, we thought these two had done one of the funniest things we had seen in the country weeks we had all been in country. Here, it was, my opportunity! There was no hot or fresh food being served at this point. I saw the bananas as a way I could garner some attention. The banana guys didn’t care what happened to the bananas, as long as they were gone before they spoiled. Four girls, then I need four bananas. As a safety measure, I ate one and waited a couple hours. I couldn’t get the kudos I was after if I gave them food poisoning, could I. As was well with my digestive process, so I moved forward. I removed four bananas on my way out of the office. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and was hoping that I could exert some control in order to make it through the delivery. I kept telling myself that I would probably still be a little intimidated by herself and her body guards even if I had consumed some liquid courage. No sooner did I finish wrestling with that thought, I was on the same landing as them. This is where my memory gets a little blurry. Everything happened so quickly. My mouth was moving before my brain could catch up. I remember saying, “I hope you girls like bananas.” Talk about the ultimate unintended innuendo! “Aww, thank you,” is all I heard. I exited as quickly as I could because I could feel the rouge coloring my cheeks. As the door closed behind, she informed her crew that she was ‘calling dibs.’ Dibs is the process by which one person verbally asserts their intention to attain something tangible. In the animal kingdom, it’s similar to a dog urinating on a fire hydrant to mark its territory.

My mission had evolved. I would no longer be working in the same building as her. As crushing as this was, I knew that these circumstances were beyond my control. I had no idea what strings I needed to pull in order to ensure this wasn’t my last meeting.

Fate and karma are funny things. I had assumed that after years of douche baggery on my part that I would never be able to have legitimate happiness. While I changed my ways some time ago, I still felt that I was continuing to reap what I had sown years ago. The course of events that follow are truly contradictory to my theory.